This is my existence. Thank you for putting on paper because part of this pain is the crushing loneliness. The only difference is that I think I am fooling people with my smile and my weak attempt at small talk, because people see what they want and most people want everyone else to be fine because that’s easier. And in any case, they can’t even get close to understanding what this is like. Even if they love you they can’t. It’s impossible. They might have some surface-level understanding of the fear or the frustration but they cannot appreciate the relentlessness. What it means to exist in a constant trauma state. Someday this will end and we, like our children, will just be collateral damage. There will be an after — I know this on an intellectual level, but I cannot get a sense of that yet. From here, all I see is a future filled with blinding anger.
You are absolutely spot on Lynn. Mothers don't throw themselves off the cliff when their children have been reported lost at sea. We eventually learn how to live with it, and one day they might come walking through the gate again with their physical and mental injuries ready to be looked after.
What a lovely and wise piece. One of the big lies of gender ideology (and woke ideology in general) is that because there is suffering, there must be a fix. And there isn't a fix, medical or otherwise. We all want to escape suffering, but the harder we try, the more miserable we are. Unbearable pain CAN be born, and we do nothing to help anyone, let alone ourselves, by refusing to let the songs of the birds and the river enter our hearts.
Thank you for the hope you so beautifully described. I've been dealing with the heartbreak of being cut-off for almost 18 months now and the tears still flow frequently. Knowing others are dealing with the same is incredibly sad yet comforting at the same time. Hope is all we have to hold on to and looking forward to the day peace finds its way into my soul.
Thank you for being a voice in the silence. Never have I felt more alone and helpless than in these struggles with my child. I cry out to the Lord, I talk to husband and to my own mother, but nobody can offer me the advice or comfort I'm looking for. A futile search on the internet, leads me to stories of hate crimes and acceptance. I love my child. As a believer, I will not waiver from the truth. The very basis of life, of God's creation, stems from the one man and one woman, there simply is no in-between. I feel like I want to scream from sheer frustration. Thank you for sharing your words. Thank you for speaking my reality. Thank you to God, for the answered prayer in finding your platform. But, now what? What do we do to fix this? Where do we go from here?
This is beautiful, and so helpful. I'm in a different kind of situation with an ambiguous loss of my beloved daughter. What a help that term is - "ambiguous loss" - that I read in one of your posts, Ms. Meagher.
One way I deal with my pain is to, in prayer, give it to Jesus to unite it with his suffering on the cross, and give it to Mary to join it to her agony as a mother who had to watch her son suffer utter humiliation, disfigurement, rejection, and unbearable spiritual and physical pain. That's part of why Jesus came to earth - to become Emmanuel - "God with us" in a radical way, to join with us humans in our suffering and lift it up into his own, and to make it meaningful and fruitful.
Obviously, I'm Catholic, but even if you're not, I think it might be helpful to meditate on a crucifix and imagine the love of a God who would endure that torture (severe whipping, a "crown" of thorns, carrying of the cross, and slow, eventual suffocation on the cross) to save his children, his daughters and sons. And to imagine a loving spiritual mother who knows what depth of torment it is to endure the suffering and loss of of her child.
Most importantly, the Catholic faith gives me something to DO with my suffering, to make it productive! My prayers and my pain, offered to God for my daughter, give her grace - the help she needs to live a full, virtuous, happy life here and eventually with God in heaven. This is so incredibly consoling for me. It's said that the great theologian Saint Augustine was converted by the graces won by the tears & prayers of his mother, Saint Monica (patron saint of mothers). I ask Mary and Saint Monica for their intercession with God, and it takes some of the weight off of me as well.
Praying a rosary & or seven sorrows of Mary rosary gives me strength as well. May God bless you & yours!
So beautifully written. This accurately reflects the path I've traveled over the past three years and it so helps to know that I'm not alone.
If only I was as articulate as you. Your words depict my pain so accurately.
This is my existence. Thank you for putting on paper because part of this pain is the crushing loneliness. The only difference is that I think I am fooling people with my smile and my weak attempt at small talk, because people see what they want and most people want everyone else to be fine because that’s easier. And in any case, they can’t even get close to understanding what this is like. Even if they love you they can’t. It’s impossible. They might have some surface-level understanding of the fear or the frustration but they cannot appreciate the relentlessness. What it means to exist in a constant trauma state. Someday this will end and we, like our children, will just be collateral damage. There will be an after — I know this on an intellectual level, but I cannot get a sense of that yet. From here, all I see is a future filled with blinding anger.
You are absolutely spot on Lynn. Mothers don't throw themselves off the cliff when their children have been reported lost at sea. We eventually learn how to live with it, and one day they might come walking through the gate again with their physical and mental injuries ready to be looked after.
You are a beautiful soul.
needed this. thank you
Painfully sweet, and deeply moving.
Impossible to feel sorry for someone who murdered her own son. You are truly a failure as a parent, and God will judge you accordingly.
I do not believe it ever gets better. We just learn to mask our pain in front of others.
What a lovely and wise piece. One of the big lies of gender ideology (and woke ideology in general) is that because there is suffering, there must be a fix. And there isn't a fix, medical or otherwise. We all want to escape suffering, but the harder we try, the more miserable we are. Unbearable pain CAN be born, and we do nothing to help anyone, let alone ourselves, by refusing to let the songs of the birds and the river enter our hearts.
Thank you for the hope you so beautifully described. I've been dealing with the heartbreak of being cut-off for almost 18 months now and the tears still flow frequently. Knowing others are dealing with the same is incredibly sad yet comforting at the same time. Hope is all we have to hold on to and looking forward to the day peace finds its way into my soul.
Thank you for being a voice in the silence. Never have I felt more alone and helpless than in these struggles with my child. I cry out to the Lord, I talk to husband and to my own mother, but nobody can offer me the advice or comfort I'm looking for. A futile search on the internet, leads me to stories of hate crimes and acceptance. I love my child. As a believer, I will not waiver from the truth. The very basis of life, of God's creation, stems from the one man and one woman, there simply is no in-between. I feel like I want to scream from sheer frustration. Thank you for sharing your words. Thank you for speaking my reality. Thank you to God, for the answered prayer in finding your platform. But, now what? What do we do to fix this? Where do we go from here?
This is beautiful, and so helpful. I'm in a different kind of situation with an ambiguous loss of my beloved daughter. What a help that term is - "ambiguous loss" - that I read in one of your posts, Ms. Meagher.
One way I deal with my pain is to, in prayer, give it to Jesus to unite it with his suffering on the cross, and give it to Mary to join it to her agony as a mother who had to watch her son suffer utter humiliation, disfigurement, rejection, and unbearable spiritual and physical pain. That's part of why Jesus came to earth - to become Emmanuel - "God with us" in a radical way, to join with us humans in our suffering and lift it up into his own, and to make it meaningful and fruitful.
Obviously, I'm Catholic, but even if you're not, I think it might be helpful to meditate on a crucifix and imagine the love of a God who would endure that torture (severe whipping, a "crown" of thorns, carrying of the cross, and slow, eventual suffocation on the cross) to save his children, his daughters and sons. And to imagine a loving spiritual mother who knows what depth of torment it is to endure the suffering and loss of of her child.
Most importantly, the Catholic faith gives me something to DO with my suffering, to make it productive! My prayers and my pain, offered to God for my daughter, give her grace - the help she needs to live a full, virtuous, happy life here and eventually with God in heaven. This is so incredibly consoling for me. It's said that the great theologian Saint Augustine was converted by the graces won by the tears & prayers of his mother, Saint Monica (patron saint of mothers). I ask Mary and Saint Monica for their intercession with God, and it takes some of the weight off of me as well.
Praying a rosary & or seven sorrows of Mary rosary gives me strength as well. May God bless you & yours!
Thank you so much for writing this. It gives me hope.
Thank you for giving us hope that it will get better