A Mother's Day Card for you

Encouragement for mothers in the midst of the gender debate

So tomorrow is Mother's Day, here in the US. Another Hallmark holiday, with expectations and sentiments that are impossible to avoid. Open any magazine, open your computer, watch television, or tune in to social media, and you will be wished a Happy Mother's Day. This day is difficult, to say the least, for those of us who have been functionally eliminated from the role of mother, oftentimes against our will.

I would like to wish a very heartfelt and sincere Happy Mother's Day to you.

To all the moms who are living in fear of their daughter's 18th birthday, when she has promised you that she will go to Planned Parenthood for testosterone whether you like it or not, I see you.

To all the moms who are being told they are unsupportive, unkind and unloving for asking questions about gender ideology, who know that their sons are sons, and their daughters are daughters, and are being told this is cruel, I see you. There is nothing more loving than standing for the truth for your child, even when they threaten to walk out of your life for doing it. Because you love your child and don't want her to be harmed, you are refusing to lie in order to make life easier for yourself. The world applauds parents who proudly put their children on display as part of the new civil rights movement for transgender equality, but you have stubbornly refused to comply, even though family and friends mock and deride you for it. They don't understand your pain, and they don't empathize. I see you. I think you are amazingly brave, and I know you love your child.

To the mothers who have been told, sometimes right in front of their child, that they will cause their child to commit suicide if they don't go along with pronouns, I hear you. I see you. This is emotional blackmail of the worst kind, and it's not even true. You don't deserve this. Don't capitulate to it.

To the mothers who weep, because they were not able to stop the hormones, the surgery, the estrangement, I see you. You did everything you could. You were powerless to stop it. The story isn't over yet. Keep hoping, keep loving. Be gentle to yourself. It's not your fault.

To all the moms who walk the tightrope at home every day, who try so hard to say the right things when the right thing is never clear, I see you. I see you struggling to love your child. I see how terrified you are. I know you are walking on eggshells every day. You are tired. It feels like an endless battle, and you are afraid you are losing. Don't give up.

To the mothers who are validating their child's struggle, without validating their choices, I see you. You are demonstrating empathy, and you are listening to your child. You are biting your tongue, until it hurts. Remember, this is your child's struggle. She has to work through this. You are trying to be an ally, and she's viewing you as the enemy. Remember that deep down, she knows you love her. She just can't love herself right now. You are trying to help her do that. But the world is a messy, difficult place, and it might take awhile for her to figure it out. I see you.

To the mothers who have been ghosted by their own kids, who live day after day with the heartache of estrangement, I see you. I know this pain. The days and the weeks and the years tick by. Maybe you get the occasional text, or you see pictures on social media that break your heart. My mother's heart breaks with you. This grief cannot last forever. I do believe it will end, someday. We will hope together, you and I. I can't let go of hope, and neither can you. The path home is there. Keep it open, and wait. They will find their way home.

To all the moms who endlessly replay every mistake, every harsh word ever spoken, I see you. We all make mistakes. Becoming a mother doesn't make you perfect. You don't deserve this. None of us do. It's not your fault.

To the mothers who are sending their children to school, only to learn after the fact that they've been taught at school that they have a gender identity, that they might be a different gender and that sex is different from gender, I see you. It's a betrayal of trust of the worst kind. To the mothers who have learned that their child has been affirmed as a different gender at school, behind your back, I stand with you. You have been painted as the enemy, when in reality you are and have always been your child's biggest advocate.

We wonder sometimes, if anything we say or do will make a difference. I can't guarantee an outcome. But I can tell you with confidence, that one day our children will ask us, why didn't you warn me? We will be able to say, I did. I did everything I could.

I won't get a card this year from my children. I won't get flowers, or even a text. I'm still a mother, and I will celebrate that fact on Mother's Day, with all of you. It was still the most important job I ever had. Happy Mother's Day, to every one of you. Stand tall. You deserve to be celebrated, today and every day.

Feel free to email me. I’m at genderapostatenow@gmail.com You deserve to be heard.